20: Sandmann

Everything these days seems to tick me off. I have no idea what the hell is going on, but I want it to stop. I think it might be from my lack of sleep since school started, or maybe it's my parents? I don't know, maybe it's both. I'm so frustrated with everything, and the frustration turns to depression. I feel like one big emotional mess, I might as well have "EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE" written on my forehead, and walk around school like that.
Jonah still hasn't said a single word to me, it's been exactly two weeks. How could I be so stupid? I always fall for the guy that I would never have, and I still hope for it, even though I know it wouldn't ever happen. I finally know that it's true, that humans always want what they can't have, sometimes they get it, and lose it, and most of the time, they would never get to have it. Am I rambling? I probably should stop before I get too far, but I hate the way I'm feeling right now. Maybe sleep is what I need..about 12 hours sounds good.

"Sandman, won't you come to my house? Sprinkle sand in my eyes, and don't ever wake me up again." ~ Oomph

19: Giving up

I've lost everything now.
Jonah doesn't talk to me, and neither does most of my so-called friends. Jenna, Alexis, Rose, and Mark are the only people I think care that I even exist. But even at times, they don't even come to see me, I still have to go see them. Az, what the hell is going on? You don't fucking tell me anything anymore, and it really hurts my feelings. I trust you with things, but you can't trust me with anything? Thanks a lot.
I'm done with this shit, it's all I ever get. What did I ever do to deserve this?

4: Crap

I have a lot of shiz goin' on right now, and I don't know left from right.

So, today I went and hung out with my friend Kay, we went to Kollen Park, then to Steak and Shake, and we sat in the WalMart Parking Lot and ate our shakes, afterward we went and played with the baby toys in WalMart. I think that the workers almost threw us out xD.

Soon after I got home, I heard everything. My ex-boyfriend gave my ex-best-friend a promise ring, after dating only 1 month. I can't believe it, the person I'm freaking in love with wants to spend the rest of his life with the girl I hate the most. SHOOT ME NOW~! I can't stand the thought of them being together, it's disgusting, wrong, and it hurts, so much. There's nothing that can hurt worse...

...but something can happen to make me feel worse. My mom approached me today and said that I do nothing. She complained about everything, I didn't scrub the toilet, or the bathtub, when I did, and she just went off about the fact that I forgot to clean the counter today. Okay, so maybe I was in a rush to pick up Kay, but she didn't have to lecture me the way she did. She knows about the whole "promise-ring" crap too, doesn't she know that I'm already emotionally unstable? Why add on to my low self-esteem? It's like she wants me dead.

I do have some great friends to keep me around, like Azalea, Rose, Kay, Alexis, even my sister. No one else really seems to care...>.< Jeez, I still sound like an emo-kid! I need to get a boyfriend, maybe that'll make things a bit better.

3: Psycho (Warning: Emo Entry)

Is it normal to think the way I do? Is it normal to want revenge as bad as I do? Thoughts of suicide come up often these days, but I know I could never go through with it. I can't help but think about it, I'm not afraid of death, I'd embrace it with open arms. How crazy does that sound? A suicidal who won't do it. There are plenty of things I can do to replace suicide, like cut, or I could stop eating. If only it were that easy. I used to cut, I still have the scars, but it doesn't do anything for me like it used to, it won't take away my mental or emotional pain.

I know, I sound like a freaking emo-kid, but I need to let out my emotions somehow, if I don't I might do something bad...I've thought about murder as well, but yet again, I wouldn't be able to go through with it. I guess my emotions take over much too easily, either I want to kill myself, or someone else, neither would sound good to a school counselor, which my friend Alexis said I should talk to. The reason why I don't want to is because I'm afraid that if I do, they'd send me to a therapist...and I don't want to get involved in that crap.

All I want and need is someone to love me, need me, and want me, but I'm afraid that I lost the only person who did for good..