19: Giving up

I've lost everything now.
Jonah doesn't talk to me, and neither does most of my so-called friends. Jenna, Alexis, Rose, and Mark are the only people I think care that I even exist. But even at times, they don't even come to see me, I still have to go see them. Az, what the hell is going on? You don't fucking tell me anything anymore, and it really hurts my feelings. I trust you with things, but you can't trust me with anything? Thanks a lot.
I'm done with this shit, it's all I ever get. What did I ever do to deserve this?

14: Ghoulstock

Okay, so..Melody hasn't actually been to class all week, she's been claiming that she's sick, but I don't buy that crap. Does she think that everyone is stupid? She's always on facebook, always updating, saying that she's hanging out with Anthony, I think we all know what's going on there. Jonah is still saying how much he misses her, and that he's sorry for every time he's doubted her. But it hurts, I know what's going on, she's been fighting to keep Anthony all summer, and now that Jenna broke up with him, he's free, why would she give up now? I wish I could tell him, but I just don't have the guts to, what if he doesn't believe me? What if he won't stop believing all the crap Melody's feeding him? I just don't want to see him getting hurt by all this, but I'm afraid that there's nothing I can do.
On a better note, Jonah invited me to a show his band is playing at, it's a Halloween Costume Party. It sounds totally wicked, I'd gladly go, but it means canceling my plans with the people I used to call my friends. They haven't spoken to me for a long time, so why should I even go? I've always wanted to hear Jonah play on something other than the art room acoustic, why pass it up? Is it just me, or is there something behind the invitation?

12: First Day

It wasn't a full day, but it was still my first day of Senior Year. I didn't have to go to classes till about noon, which meant different bus schedule, and thanks to the school system, I had no idea when it was. So, Karen gave me a ride, since she has her own car, and a school parking pass. It was awkward, but we made conversation. I didn't see Jonah today, he was around from what I heard, but I just couldn't find him. I wanted to at least say hi, and be on my way, but it kinda hurt not seeing him, even if I really didn't want to. Apparently the girl he likes, Melody, is supposed to be in two of my classes, but she didn't show up. I hope Jenna was right when she said that she's going to Germany, I don't want to see that bitch's face. She's horrible, I don't know why Jonah likes her, she's just a slut, looking for some boy toy to make Jenna's boyfriend jealous. I don't want Jonah getting hurt, he's already been hurt by his ex, I want to see him smile again. I must sound like some girl that overthinks things, and I only worry about him because I like him, but I just want him to be happy, and he's not going to be happy with Melody, she'll only hurt him. If only he knew...
My classes are alright, I'm psyched for all of them except Pre-Calc, I hate math! But I have Psychology, Contemporary Novel, Advanced Art, and Sociology. All seem totally cool, and I can't wait for tomorrow to come. The only bad thing about today was the fact that halfway through, I got a killer headache, and I didn't have any pills to supress it. I also didn't want to ask for any pills, because teachers suddenly come to conclusions, thinking it's a drug dealing. I hate dealing with all that crap, so I had to deal with a throbbing headache for two and a half hours. And after school Rose and I went to Barnes and Noble, and hung out at the cafe, her and her iced tea, me and my hot tea. We looked at Halloween magazines, and we really want to hang out some time around Halloween to make crafts, and go through a haunted maze or something, because on Halloween we have different plans. I totally miss hanging out with Rose, I can tell her all sorts of stuff, but still, not everything. I wish I had someone I can tell everything to, without being judged, or being told I'm wrong, I want someone who'll support me, no matter what I decide to do.

10: Stolen m&m's

School starts on Tuesday, and honestly, I can't wait.
For one, I'm bored as hell and I need something to occupy my time. I even went to a high school football game last night, and I hate football. I have to admit though, I had fun. I hung out with Jenna and Hannah, her exchange student. We sat next to the band, so we could never hear the cheerleaders(good for me), and we had popcorn, Mountain Dew, hot chocolate, and a bag of stolen m&m's(we didn't steal it, Jenna's cousin did, we just stole them from her).
Secondly, I want to see my friends again. Most of which I haven't seen since school let out, and I miss them, especially Jonah. Damn do I miss that boy...stupid crushes. It'll probably never happen, I can only dream. -sigh-
Thirdly, I have friggin' sweet classes this year, and I have at least one friend in a class every trimester, SCORE! I can't wait to meet the teachers and just have a great time with my senior year.
The only downside is college applications, and the pressure to be at school everyday, and not fail a single class. >.<

9: School's Coming

Well, I had registration yesterday for school.
I had to wake up extra early because my brother also had to register, except his was at 8 in the morning, in which I had to take him. And after I kinda chilled for a while, I took Jessie and Azalea to McDonald's and then to Goodwill for some Speed Shopping, which wasn't as fast as I'd hoped. xD Sorry guys. But while at Goodwill, we broke all the dressing room rules. #1 No more than 5 items in the dressing room. #2 Only 1 person per dressing room. and #3 No shopping carts allowed in the dressing rooms. All three of us were in the dressing room, with a shopping cart, with who knows how many articles of clothing. It was totally fun, and we didn't get busted. We got out and on the way home my mom called asking where we were, she wasn't very happy, let's just say that. I chilled at my house with Azalea while my Jessie, my mom and my brother went to my Gram's house to have their jeans hemmed. After chillin' we had to go pick up Karen so tha twe could register for our Senior year. Az just tagged along cuz she wanted to. The school didn't have AC and the line was long by the time we got there. It took a while, but we did it. We got our school IDs, our planners, Senior Party info, and our class schedules. The school really fucked up, everyone had at least 1 empty class, and a class they never asked for. So guess what, I got to go in to the school today to get my schedule changed. I sat in the counseling office for an hour and a half before I was called in, and people that signed in after I did got to go before me. Then I find out that my counselor wasn't even there, so I got this lady that I didn't even know, and she thought that I was someone else. I just wanted to go in, fix my schedule, and get out so that I could go back home.

I feel much better now than I did before, I have my Stride Gum and I'm RPing with Jessie and Azalea. FUNTIEMZ!

4: Crap

I have a lot of shiz goin' on right now, and I don't know left from right.

So, today I went and hung out with my friend Kay, we went to Kollen Park, then to Steak and Shake, and we sat in the WalMart Parking Lot and ate our shakes, afterward we went and played with the baby toys in WalMart. I think that the workers almost threw us out xD.

Soon after I got home, I heard everything. My ex-boyfriend gave my ex-best-friend a promise ring, after dating only 1 month. I can't believe it, the person I'm freaking in love with wants to spend the rest of his life with the girl I hate the most. SHOOT ME NOW~! I can't stand the thought of them being together, it's disgusting, wrong, and it hurts, so much. There's nothing that can hurt worse...

...but something can happen to make me feel worse. My mom approached me today and said that I do nothing. She complained about everything, I didn't scrub the toilet, or the bathtub, when I did, and she just went off about the fact that I forgot to clean the counter today. Okay, so maybe I was in a rush to pick up Kay, but she didn't have to lecture me the way she did. She knows about the whole "promise-ring" crap too, doesn't she know that I'm already emotionally unstable? Why add on to my low self-esteem? It's like she wants me dead.

I do have some great friends to keep me around, like Azalea, Rose, Kay, Alexis, even my sister. No one else really seems to care...>.< Jeez, I still sound like an emo-kid! I need to get a boyfriend, maybe that'll make things a bit better.

2: Ranting Time!

I started going through some of my old manga today. It was quite interesting reading the older volumes of Fruits Basket, and I have realized that since I read through the entire series, I think that the change in Natsuki Takaya's style is for the better, but when I talked to my best friend(who I shall call Rose), who only read the first 7 volumes, it makes me feel bad, because she thinks that the older style was better. I don't like disagreeing with her, and I really don't like it when we argue, but I can't help but stand where I am with this.

Natsuki's style has changed, yes, but it improved greatly, just like Kazuya Minekura, when she first started out with Saiyuki, her style wasn't great, but it improved greatly over time. Rose is a fan of the Saiyuki series, and she's read it up to the point where it is now, and she's always ranting about how much better the style is. Couldn't she just understand that Natsuki has improved just as Kazuya did? I mean sure, the styles are far from being similar, but it's the same, artists skills grow over time, and if Rose read the entire Fruits Basket series, she'd understand that Natsuki's style is better than it was before.

But like I said before, I really don't like to argue with her, because it makes me wonder how we could be friends, she's too opinionated, and she doesn't even like hearing someone elses opinion on things, unless she specifically asks for it. I can deal with it, but when we argue, I feel like my side isn't even heard. It happens often, and over really stupid things. Like when we talk about Twilight, it gets bad. Both of us enjoy the series, but we're not like the rabid fangirls that are frothing from the mouths everytime someone says something bad about it. She's and Edward fan, and I'm a Jacob fan...and that's the beginning of the problem.

To be honest, she and I are complete opposites. She likes vampires, I like werewolves. She's a cat person, I'm a dog person. She's a health nut, I don't give a shit what I eat. She likes the cold, I like the warmth. Etc, etc, etc...

But on the other hand, Rose and I are the best of friends, we tell eachother everything, and we stick up for eachother. She's the only real friend I have at school, I mean, I do have other people I get along with, but none that I completely trust.