25: Soooo...

...yeah.






There's this guy. I liked him fer a while...and now we're dating.
Jonah is out of the picture for good.

18: Mein kampf der liebe

I'm done. I obviously don't mean anything to him, once Melody comes back to school, he ignores me. I feel like I didn't do anything to him, not one thing. They're dating again, and he hasn't said a single thing to me since she came back. I was hoping that she'd stay away, with Anthony, but I guess she thinks she can just be friends with him and have Jonah. I think she thinks I'm okay with her, she can go ahead and think that, but it's very much the opposite, I want her dead. She's just going to hurt Jonah, and all I can do is watch, because he probably won't even come close to listening to me anymore.
I made him a bracelet last night, but now I don't think I'll give it to him, he probably wouldn't wear it anyway..

16: Bleh

Well, Melody apparently never broke up with him, he still loves her, and I'm a broken-hearted little girl. I asked him, he knows that I like him, and he doesn't care. He says that I'm an amazing girl and I have the best personality, but he doesn't feel that way about me. <- Exactly what all the other boys say, and not what I really wanted to hear. Az and Jessie's theory is the only reason he doesn't like me like that is because he's dating Melody, but is that the truth? I'd like to believe so, but all the other guys who've said that weren't dating anyone, so they definately didn't want to date me. Am I that undatable? Sure, I'm weird, I get emotional and overthink things, but I feel like I'm undesirable...
I'm going to homecoming anyway though. I have no idea why, there's so many reasons why I don't want to, and not really a particular reason that I do. Am I weird?

15: J'aimerais Tellement ~ Jena Lee

It's been a while, and a helluva lot has happened since my last entry.
Long story short, Jonah finally saw Melody for the bitch that she was and avoided her. I got excited and hoped he would talk to me more. Next day, he's dating her, apparently not caring that he was her second choice. I was broken-hearted. Now a couple days ago, Melody breaks up with him because he tried getting Anthony is trouble(I really don't know what happened there), and now he's single again, probably broken-hearted over Melody. I want to give him time, but Homecoming is this coming weekend, and I would really like to ask him to go with me. I don't want to push myself on him, but Jenna wants me to go, and I want to have another reason for me to get in a dress and go. I'm going to try later, on Facebook, when he's online. I feel bad for asking so soon after, but it's homecoming, and I know that he wants to go. Hopefully he hasn't accepted any of the other invites...

12: First Day

It wasn't a full day, but it was still my first day of Senior Year. I didn't have to go to classes till about noon, which meant different bus schedule, and thanks to the school system, I had no idea when it was. So, Karen gave me a ride, since she has her own car, and a school parking pass. It was awkward, but we made conversation. I didn't see Jonah today, he was around from what I heard, but I just couldn't find him. I wanted to at least say hi, and be on my way, but it kinda hurt not seeing him, even if I really didn't want to. Apparently the girl he likes, Melody, is supposed to be in two of my classes, but she didn't show up. I hope Jenna was right when she said that she's going to Germany, I don't want to see that bitch's face. She's horrible, I don't know why Jonah likes her, she's just a slut, looking for some boy toy to make Jenna's boyfriend jealous. I don't want Jonah getting hurt, he's already been hurt by his ex, I want to see him smile again. I must sound like some girl that overthinks things, and I only worry about him because I like him, but I just want him to be happy, and he's not going to be happy with Melody, she'll only hurt him. If only he knew...
My classes are alright, I'm psyched for all of them except Pre-Calc, I hate math! But I have Psychology, Contemporary Novel, Advanced Art, and Sociology. All seem totally cool, and I can't wait for tomorrow to come. The only bad thing about today was the fact that halfway through, I got a killer headache, and I didn't have any pills to supress it. I also didn't want to ask for any pills, because teachers suddenly come to conclusions, thinking it's a drug dealing. I hate dealing with all that crap, so I had to deal with a throbbing headache for two and a half hours. And after school Rose and I went to Barnes and Noble, and hung out at the cafe, her and her iced tea, me and my hot tea. We looked at Halloween magazines, and we really want to hang out some time around Halloween to make crafts, and go through a haunted maze or something, because on Halloween we have different plans. I totally miss hanging out with Rose, I can tell her all sorts of stuff, but still, not everything. I wish I had someone I can tell everything to, without being judged, or being told I'm wrong, I want someone who'll support me, no matter what I decide to do.

8: Not as Planned

Alright, remember Thursday how I was supposed to go to the Aquatic Center with my friends? Didn't happen, one couldn't make it, so we moved it to Friday, right? Turns out, I wake up Friday morning with major cramps, a headache, and I couldn't eat anything without feeling sick. I just wasn't in the mood to go swimming, so when Jenna called, I told her I couldn't go, and as far as I know, they still went. >.< Sometimes I wonder if I'm the least loved person in that group of friends...like they said they'd help pay for me to go to Ikau? They didn't, Lene bitched when I told her I didn't have money for her to pick up food for me (sorry, done with Ikasu talk now). Maybe it's just me reading too far into things. They probably didn't want to move it to some other day. But I haven't seen Alexis since school let out, and I haven't seen Jenna since before she left for Taiwan(except through a car window, but that doesn't really count), and I probably won't see them until school starts, and that would be wierd, because Jenna probably isn't used to me being away from everybody(you know, the split that happened halfway through last year). You know, the funny thing is that she left with Trent and I happy as can be, and she comes back with me pissed off at him, and him happy with Karen(the bitch I used to call my best friend).

Okay, and today was my family get-together, that was supposed to be at Kollen Park. But guess what? Rain happened, and we got stuck with my mom's entire side of the family coming over to our small house. Try cramping a growing family into my house, it's crazy. My two aunts, one uncle, seven cousins, cousin's boyfriend, two of my cousin's kids, my grandparents, my parents, and my brother, sister and I, all packed into our small kitchen, living room and garage. F-U-N! Funny thing is that my family prepared mostly mexican food, and we're definately not mexican. Guacomole, salsa, tortilla chips, spicy cheese sauce, etc. Luckily, my dad grilled burgers and hotdogs(in the dry garage of course, after taking the grill to the front), so we weren't living off snack food. And surprisingly, it was alright, great food, fun conversations, and no family feud.

So, now all I have left is my last session for my senior pictures tomorrow, hopefully it doesn't rain, because I'll already be getting wet, we're planning on taking fountain shots, and they want me to get in there -.-; Oh well, what can I do? I have to look cool, right?

I need to clean my room and get rid of the clothes I don't wear, I think I'll do that tomorrow, while the rest of my family is off doing stuff..

5: Gram's

I went to my Gram's house today, just like I always do every couple weeks. I enjoy the food very much, but I have a lack of things to do. It's not like it was when I was a little kid, back then, I had toys to play with and older cousins to look up to. Now I just sit around and listen to my aunts, uncles, and older cousins talk. It's quite boring really, and I feel bad for not being the older cousin to my cousin's kids like how my cousins were for me, but I just can't do it. Being the child of the youngest child doesn't give much more family to look forward to.

So, while sitting around in my boredom, I started thinking about things. I realized that I shouldn't care who my ex dates at all, it's none of my business, and I'm only making myself look like a psychopath. Obviously he didn't care about me enough if he let me go that easily. He probably lied every time he told me that he loved me. I must not have been special enough to him at all, so why should I bother trying to plot his demise? Sure, I was jealous when I found out he's dating my ex-best friend, because I hate her, but I realized that hating both of them and trying to make them fail as a couple is a total waste of my time. Besides, if I keep wallowing in my misery and jealousy, no one would want to date me. So, I'm giving up in my evil plot to destroy them both, and accept that they're a couple and that they "love" eachother, even if I don't approve of it, because obviously, my opinion doesn't matter. (Plus, those fuckers deserve eachother.)

So now, I'm going to be positive, and celebrate the fact that I'm a single woman. If I like someone, I can say so, because there's no "boyfriend troubles" to tie me down anymore. I know that it's been "over" for months, but I think I've finally opened my eyes to the cold hard truth, and now I'm actually happy. It's about time I moved on, and I will.