21: Been a While..

I haven't really had so much time to be here, but here I am!
I didn't have internet connection in my room for over a month, so I had to use the family's computer to do things, and since we all have to share, I didn't have as much time to do things.
But now we have Windows 7, which my dad trusts to use our wireless internet, and now I have connection in my room again.
It's kind of sad, the first thing I did when I got connection was spend the entire night watching anime online, so sorry, I could've updated last night, but didn't.
As a lot of you know, I've been through loads of shit throughout this past month, but it's done, I'm done, none of it concerns me now. I cut off the bracelet, and I don't even acknowledge him anymore.
I gauged my ears, they're size 14 right now, but I just got some money, so I think I'm going to go to the next size after I earn a little more, so that I still have some to buy Rose a Christmas present.
Gah, that holiday is coming up so fast, and so is my birthday. I'm gonna be freakin' 18! It scares the crap out of me, I need to get a job and start saving up for college...

20: Sandmann

Everything these days seems to tick me off. I have no idea what the hell is going on, but I want it to stop. I think it might be from my lack of sleep since school started, or maybe it's my parents? I don't know, maybe it's both. I'm so frustrated with everything, and the frustration turns to depression. I feel like one big emotional mess, I might as well have "EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE" written on my forehead, and walk around school like that.
Jonah still hasn't said a single word to me, it's been exactly two weeks. How could I be so stupid? I always fall for the guy that I would never have, and I still hope for it, even though I know it wouldn't ever happen. I finally know that it's true, that humans always want what they can't have, sometimes they get it, and lose it, and most of the time, they would never get to have it. Am I rambling? I probably should stop before I get too far, but I hate the way I'm feeling right now. Maybe sleep is what I need..about 12 hours sounds good.

"Sandman, won't you come to my house? Sprinkle sand in my eyes, and don't ever wake me up again." ~ Oomph

19: Giving up

I've lost everything now.
Jonah doesn't talk to me, and neither does most of my so-called friends. Jenna, Alexis, Rose, and Mark are the only people I think care that I even exist. But even at times, they don't even come to see me, I still have to go see them. Az, what the hell is going on? You don't fucking tell me anything anymore, and it really hurts my feelings. I trust you with things, but you can't trust me with anything? Thanks a lot.
I'm done with this shit, it's all I ever get. What did I ever do to deserve this?

18: Mein kampf der liebe

I'm done. I obviously don't mean anything to him, once Melody comes back to school, he ignores me. I feel like I didn't do anything to him, not one thing. They're dating again, and he hasn't said a single thing to me since she came back. I was hoping that she'd stay away, with Anthony, but I guess she thinks she can just be friends with him and have Jonah. I think she thinks I'm okay with her, she can go ahead and think that, but it's very much the opposite, I want her dead. She's just going to hurt Jonah, and all I can do is watch, because he probably won't even come close to listening to me anymore.
I made him a bracelet last night, but now I don't think I'll give it to him, he probably wouldn't wear it anyway..

17: So Obvious

He has crazy beautiful eyes, I could stare into them forever~
I really think I'm falling for him, scratch that, I know I'm falling for him. He probably knows it too, and I know that he doesn't feel that way about me. There's a long line of girls waiting to be with him, and I'm most likely last in that line. My only question is why he said yes to my invitation to Homecoming when there were plenty of others. Was it a pity date? Or am I actually first in line? I really have no idea, but all that really matters is that he said yes, and I had a blast with him last night. We only danced once, but I'm sure I'll never forget it, his hands on my waist, my arms around his neck, his beautiful eyes staring into mine, it was perfect. I wish he would've kissed me, but I think that'd be asking for too much. I got to go to Homecoming with him, isn't that enough?
I might be too greedy for my own good.

16: Bleh

Well, Melody apparently never broke up with him, he still loves her, and I'm a broken-hearted little girl. I asked him, he knows that I like him, and he doesn't care. He says that I'm an amazing girl and I have the best personality, but he doesn't feel that way about me. <- Exactly what all the other boys say, and not what I really wanted to hear. Az and Jessie's theory is the only reason he doesn't like me like that is because he's dating Melody, but is that the truth? I'd like to believe so, but all the other guys who've said that weren't dating anyone, so they definately didn't want to date me. Am I that undatable? Sure, I'm weird, I get emotional and overthink things, but I feel like I'm undesirable...
I'm going to homecoming anyway though. I have no idea why, there's so many reasons why I don't want to, and not really a particular reason that I do. Am I weird?

15: J'aimerais Tellement ~ Jena Lee

It's been a while, and a helluva lot has happened since my last entry.
Long story short, Jonah finally saw Melody for the bitch that she was and avoided her. I got excited and hoped he would talk to me more. Next day, he's dating her, apparently not caring that he was her second choice. I was broken-hearted. Now a couple days ago, Melody breaks up with him because he tried getting Anthony is trouble(I really don't know what happened there), and now he's single again, probably broken-hearted over Melody. I want to give him time, but Homecoming is this coming weekend, and I would really like to ask him to go with me. I don't want to push myself on him, but Jenna wants me to go, and I want to have another reason for me to get in a dress and go. I'm going to try later, on Facebook, when he's online. I feel bad for asking so soon after, but it's homecoming, and I know that he wants to go. Hopefully he hasn't accepted any of the other invites...